Break-ups aren't just for lovers

Jan 18, 2018 - Written by Ananya Mangwani

It’s happening again.

Your friend is pushing you hard until you hit a record low with stress.

You feel powerless and even a little embarrassed. As a friend, you should have a better handle on this, right?

But maybe you’re too hard on your friend. Maybe you need to forget the bruises and forgive — again.

Before you resign yourself to your friend’s behaviour, know this:

“Friends are like stars, they come and go, but the ones that stay are the ones that glow” — Unknown.

Staying with toxic friends influences you more than you think:

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” — Jim Rohn

They offer help when it’s convenient to them, not to you. They only care about themselves and don’t consider you. They’d probably refuse you into their boat if yours was sinking.

They use your emotions to attack you. Your morale gets destroyed and you end up psychologically disturbed.

They pass harsh and critical judgment based on their own ideas. They’re not open to hearing your version of the story.

They are too stuck up to deal with and for the most part, they just talk about themselves.

It’s their way or no way.

They’re picky and needy, annoying and hard to please. You can only make yourself scarce when they get fussy because pleasing them is not an option.

Everyone has been in such a relationship. I am in 2, was in 2 such friendships. I took a big blow to realize I needed to snap out of it.

Get out of such relations.

Change yourself.

Firstly, and most importantly, moving past toxic relationships requires true acceptance of the fact that you can’t force toxic people to change.

Establish and maintain boundaries.

Toxic people drain your resources by constantly pushing you to work harder to please them, making you compromise more and more. This is exhausting, and transgresses all acceptable relationship boundaries.

Instead, turn your attention to the fact that you’re clearing up a psychological and emotional mess in your life. If you spend much your time ruminating on (and trying to understand) a toxic person’s negative behaviour, they’ll suck away all your resources even when they’re no longer in your life.

Balance them against your strengths, believe that you are a good person, and commit to self-improvement. That way, it’ll be old news that a toxic person tries to highlight your perceived flaws, and you won’t be easily manipulated by such a tactic.

Choose your battles carefully.

On a related note, make sure you choose your battles wisely. Conflict with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time - just remember you don’t need to engage in every fight that they might try to instigate. Instead, save that energy for looking after yourself, and for nourishing relationships that are genuinely healthy.

Surround yourself with healthy relationships.

Finally, removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult it is to have them in your life.

To maintain your resilience and cope with any sadness, stay in close contact with those who make you feel safe, cherished and happy.

DON’T TAKE Ls.

I speak from recent complete personal experience.

About the author

I am Ananya Mangwani and I was born on August 20. I am all about my dogs, my camera and my music. I love creating, travelling and experimenting. I believe life is too short to be serious all the time, so if you cannot laugh at yourself... call me. I'll do it for you.