Jun 16, 2022 - Written by Ananya Mangwani
For a person obsessed with making plans you can imagine me having a detailed intricate encompassing plan for my future. Up until graduation, a proper schedule and university deadlines helped me ease my anxiety about the unpredictable and scary future. In Uni, I always fantasized and looked forward to being independent and making money and traveling to work, signing in, having a small desk with some knick-knacks, etc.
I got my fantasy and landed on my feet with a great job and 3 months in, the anxiety unlocked a new variety of new issues. Well, at least I have something to write about. Anyway, this job sets a fixed routine in my life. I started worrying about spending money, managing my sleep, working out, and balancing my guilt of not being able to take my dog to work with me. One fine night between a state of exhaustion and overwhelming despair I found myself in a 7/11. I desperately scanned the aisles of chips searching for answers beyond the scope of some spicy pringles for the question, “What’s going on?”. I’m sure we’ve all been there.
I buy my more than usual expensive bag of Doritos and head outside to a quiet lane of parked bikes and 2 sleepy security guards. Too concerned about tempting my dog with the rifling of plastic, I decided to just sit down on the steps with the light of the store illuminating my head from behind making for a very unflattering sight. No one was gonna see me and for a while, it felt good to not be seen. I could eat my Doritos without offering them to anybody and wipe the nachos dust off my pants without feeling judged. The thought of violating the sacred rule of not snacking after 10 pm crossed my mind but the guilt was quickly replaced with the deliciousness of a crispy cheese Doritos. I was starving and this was food for my soul. The distant sound of thunder quickly broke my train of thought about these chips and led to me an important realization.
Since I was a kid, I have waited for this moment. I can drive to a store and buy food so late in the night with my money and eat them wherever I want. It might sound silly and small but the sense of responsibility and ownership of my actions hit me and I never felt so free. I was so busy wondering about the impending future, that I forgot to enjoy this moment. This moment that I had longed and worked so hard for. I’m used to a routine. I drive to work, pay bills, and decide what to eat and what small and unnecessary things I can spend (waste) money on. The high of the power of independence of being an adult was exhilarating and I was completely numb to it, until this moment.
Remember it took a lot to get where you are. Even if you didn’t anticipate the specifics, you are on your way to something glorious which is everything you deserve.
Trust the process and more importantly, there is no bigger joy than a good bag of Doritos and some solitude after a good day of work.
About the author
I am Ananya Mangwani and I was born on August 20. I am all about my dogs, my camera and my music. I love creating, travelling and experimenting. I believe life is too short to be serious all the time, so if you cannot laugh at yourself... call me. I'll do it for you.