I am Nobody, who are you?

Jul 05, 2020 - Written by Ananya Mangwani

Smoke and Mirrors

I’ve always tried to understand why I am so different. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize this person.

Staring at this body, they call a ‘machine’, I feed this body like I am supposed to. I am a brown bulging and boring girl, I guess. There is a deep and deceiving look in my eyes. It’s not really not an out of body experience, but, if I keep glaring at my eyes, it’s like a train wreck. Can’t keep looking and can’t look away. People say you can look into these 2 brown circles and tell the truth or ‘know’ something. That’s some voodoo mama juju nonsense.

They say people have 2 sides - good and ugly. Then I read there are three faces of a person. The one they show the generic population, one in their close proximity, and the last one nobody sees except you. I have never understood this Numerical conclusion of one’s ‘face’. I can assure you I have more than three faces. I still continue to shock myself while exploring my faces and I don’t control it, let alone having control on who sees what.

People often tell me in narration of an experience that hurts them that ‘I saw a side of that person I never saw before’. I wonder why there is shock in the situation. Why would you be surprised that a human being has a widespread of emotions that he or she has never seen? They themselves didn’t know, they had it in you. Maybe that’s why murderers go ‘I didn’t know what came over me’?

People often label me as a nobody. I wanna know what that means. I had a poem I really related to in fifth standard called ‘I am nobody’ which I really relate to. Everyone’s so obsessed with being extraordinary that no one remembers to just be ordinary aka themselves. Oscar Wilde and Emily Dicikinson should fight this out and let me know, cause this is just confusing.

Coming back to me being nobody, are you complaining that I have a large entertaining variety of emotions and I’m comfortable displaying them at a slightly faster pace than other human beings? I wonder if it is the spectrum or the change of the time lapse in my current state of ‘mood’ that bothers people or what is. I understand how a change or a constant shift in my temperament can be difficult to keep up with. I don’t do well with change, but ‘change is constant’ is what the verdict is and I guess that’s what needs to be accepted.

About the author

I am Ananya Mangwani and I was born on August 20. I am all about my dogs, my camera and my music. I love creating, travelling and experimenting. I believe life is too short to be serious all the time, so if you cannot laugh at yourself... call me. I'll do it for you.